tom tom

I loved to go to camp when I was child.  I was good at being in the out of doors and it was a great place to meet new “kids”.  Almost always, I was elected to be on the camp council. They planed the all camp events and got to serenade the camp the last night of the session. Big stuff.  You got elected to that job by your camp unit so it was great for the ego.

Every year, I promised to write home and Mom even gave me post cards that I could check and mail..  I am ok  I am having fun   Everything is good.. etc.. but I was having fun and too much fun to write home or even check the boxes.  Every year my Dad would come to pick me up to tell me .. you are not going to camp next year.  I thought you got lost in the woods since you didn't write. 

 Going to camp was a great inconvenience for the family, since Dad had to drive me home in time for camp and then be there to pick me up.  We live in NYC or Boston or Philly for most of the summer so my father could work and still have time with Mom.   So when I went for my physical and the doctor said, I don’t think you should go to camp, you have a heart murmur or something.. I said.. we are going to another doctor who has a better stethoscope.  I didn't do anything the day of the second visit.. I didn't play, drink tea or coffee or anything… I just sat and played cards by myself.. so when we went to the Dr., I was fine and off to camp.

For most of my life and particularly my adult life, I would wake up to hear my heart pounding in my chest… I worried about it at night and sometimes couldn't sleep.. but then I would go to bed sooooo tired form living and working hard that I would be too tire to hear it.   About 7 years go, I went for my annual physical and when the nurse took my pulse.. she said, how long have you had the murmur.. oh no… not again.   So the doctor hooked me up to a monitor and I went about my life.. running up stairs.. do the elliptical for ½ hr, debating my boss about a treatment plan etc..  I only require 5 hrs a night sleep so.. I eventually got to bed…   I was leaving for a North Carolina Buddhist retreat the next day so I turned the monitor in and forgot about it as I  worked hard and spent my free time.. hiking up the mountains.  It was a silent retreat so I turned the phone off when I got off the plane.  At the end of the time, sitting at the airport, I turned on my phone to hear my good Dr. say…  Your monitor report is back and I left a prescription for beta blockers at the drug store and you have a stress test tues…  wow…  So I popped the pills and went to the test.  Running as fast as I could on the treadmill.. in a hospital gown with my butt hanging out which was enough to give a murmur.. and the next day was sitting in the cardiologist office.   He talked my primary who is a very holistic traditional Md.. and they feel that if I can tolerate the night time heart pounding.. my heart is very strong.. I just have a natural pacemaker that thinks I should be running at full tilt when I am sleeping… 20,000 to 40,000 extra beats during the night … and 4 during the stress test…  So.. I meditate or do deep relaxation but no blockers.  And every time I wake up to the tom toms.. .I think of camp…and smile.