The Test

When you are in a cocoon, you think, I can live in the real world just as well.  In the cocoon, you have positive people that you have selected because of their energy and similar high-level goals.  Conversations that are reflective, enjoyable, and inspiring, a diet that is healthy and supportive, and sleep following "happy" or non-unhappy day that provides rejuvenation.  You feel splendid and people comment that you look good.  

My cocoon has been invaded by people from my past, home.  For the first time in 90 days and am getting "constructive," unwanted advice from people on another path who have opinions and suggestions about what I should be doing and how doing it for both myself and with others.   "This is what you or she/he needs to do."  I am very grateful for the invasion for it helped me get solid about all the things don't want in my life and all the ways I don't want to approach life. Judgement, which often translates to gossip is definitely on the top of the list.
Some people resonate with your life and those that don't.  I am not looking to defend my flaws or have someone else scrub or pick at them.  There are some things that I want to change, and as I become more mindful, they might alter or disappear.
 At this moment, I want to go back to the cocoon and bask in the light of people who are focused on self-development but not at the expense of everyone around.   I so enjoy people who have humor about the process and life and look forward to the new day without dragging a suitcase of clouds from the very distant past.

I don't think there is a child born who doesn't think that they did not get on the line for the "right" childhood.  We traveled, there was no home.   Many people have said... wow, that would have been exciting.  To this little kid with limited power, at the time, it was very scary.   I say wow you had siblings and a Mom and Dad at the dinner table... and they say... we fought all the time, and it was boring.   So, what is the answer to all of this.  We all come from different experiences and even perceptions of the same experience as a twin who sees it differently.  All pieces of the personal puzzle.

For today....I will shift back to selective cocoon inmates and maintain my integrity while being social and polite to the outside world.   I don't want the mean spirited and fixers in my inner space or at least not practicing their way in my life.
Many of the fixers don't think there is much wrong with themselves....  shit only smells a little and is sweet because they have evolved.  That is the first sign of a long long road of work ahead.

Having spent some retreat time with some very evolved folks... they never offer judgement, unwanted suggestions but merely say... they also are just a pilgrim on a path... and good speed to you.   Even if you ask...they respond to a question with a question  to make you think and provide your own response.

Time for some life course correction and a little sweeping of the inner shelter.

It was a long night... but I am out of bed, back on my feet and moving forward on my path

The Good and The Not so Good

I have fingerless cotton thin grey small gloves which I love... like everything in my life that I really like...they give me control and yet do what they are intended to do. I drive a shift car, etc...I am a happy woman when I wear the gloves. Since I live in a world of fear of scarcity (think it is a gene from my father), I don’t want to be without and so in preparation of the final fraying of the little grays, I went on a search. I checked the Internet.. leather, isotope, etc.. no no just little gloves. On my way into BJ’s, I stopped at the Grainier Sport store. First they look like they are going out of business.. but the sales person said they just had a big sale and were cleaned out. Yes they had fingerless gloves.. (of course... winter hunting) Oh.. now I have a choice. They were much more GLOVE than my little glove.. wool, lined.. and they had two kinds.. one that had a magic flap that would cover your fingerless part if you wanted and one that was a plain fingerless. I tried on one..then the other.. then the first. And finally thanked the salesman for his patience. They were both $12.99. I walked about looking at kayak’s and cook stoves and long underwear and fake ducks that sure could not fool me.. and then walked back and selected the one without the flap.
I walked to the checkout and the guy said, "Do you want another pair, they are 2 for 1." I had just spend ½ hr of my life deciding a non decision. Probably there was a sign but I was so intent on the product, I did not look at my surroundings. Since they were both the same price.. I took the other and my second, paid and then sat in the car and thought.. now do I wear the one with the flap or without.. and laughed and thought, I just purchase more opportunities for indecision but I think there was a lesson on observation and mindfulness in the process.
I drove the car to the next parking lot, went in to BJ’s thinking I just saved $12.99 and walked about the store putting stuff that I needed, wanted and could use and checked out for $198. I gulped, paid and went to my car happy that I saved the $12.99 and wondering if I could ever go in and come out of the big box for less than $100 and drove home happy and broke.