One Day At A Time

When I was looking to buy a house many years ago, I looked at “fixer uppers” which means an old house with many previous owners.  The common denominator was there were layers of wall paper and layers of paint.  It is easy to just give up and walk away and often very hard to see the inner beauty under all the junk. For years, I walked and signed another rental.  It takes both x-ray eyes and a vision of what could be in order to have the energy to persist. I am sure the prior owners just wanted a fresh look and kept piling on the layers to cover the dirt, grim, and defects.  I am working at getting my shelter the way I want it to look and have been looking at the condition the house was in when I bought it from Chuck as well as remembering the mess it was when he bought.  He did not live in the house for three years, but gradually, hand scraping, stripping, and plastering, had a quality home far greater than the $1375 he paid for it.   There is a lesson in everything and it reminded of how often I took the easy way out and added junk to my life to cover up the holes I created by compromising my values and stuffing the holes with some type of numbing actions. 

Some of the actions could be viewed by other as very wholesome, such working excessive hours, hours of community service, helping friends do almost anything and all with a consequence of neglecting my own life and existing without balance.  

I have a couple of expressions I use to remind myself to take charge of my life.  After a major change – loss, shift etc. the temptation is to get up and start running like a chicken missing a head rather than facing where you are at and realistically looking at where you are going.  It is essential that you sit quiet in your canoe.  You have to go through the process.  In the end, each day brings you closer to your personal integrity.   You know you are, what you want, and you can feel better about yourself than you have in a very long time.  It takes time and you cannot push the river.

Most of us, just want someone to “get us”…know us and love us for who and what we are. The reality is many don’t really want to know themselves and keep the persona well hidden under various costumes while all the time madding searching in all the wrong places for what they think they want and settling for a life of catching up, falling asleep, chaos and clutter.  If you want high quality bake goods, don’t buy Twinkies but get out the mixing bowl give your time to the process and product.

Still have some detours but more often than not I am creating a life I can be proud. I sleep well and wake up to in the morning with a clear head, remembering what I did yesterday and smile at the new opportunity.