Mountains

In looking at my life history I can see that there were times that I crawled over mountains on foot at a time and got to top without really knowing how high or long I was walking.  It is rather like starting college.  On day one you don’t think I will take 30 courses, read a million pages, write 90 papers and a thesis give 30 presentations.   If you thought that, you probably would return home. You just go to the bookstore and start or you create a mountain.  To me the mountain is the task with added mental angst.  I don’t read well, I don’t read fast, I don’t write well, I might not make the grade, I might not have friends etc..  Learning to live with your mountains is an important life lesson.  In my life I have had relationships end and I have ended them.  Whatever happened is not the pain of it, it is what I did with the experience that mattered to my life.   In one case, I spend a very long time, reliving every conversation, every argument as well as every stolen intimate moment.  I obsessed over what I gave up for the relationship and how my life was changed etc. I fantasized over what might have been, what would have been, what should have been.  Every time I put on clothes, I thought of time we were together and I wore that etc.. And I stored it all in a very large mountain.  I never climbed the mountain, because it was a mental mountain that I created and the only way to get around, over, under, or through was to let go of the solid mass and let it crumble with time.  Today, I know the relationship was never that right for me and I am grateful that it ended.  At the time, it was oh so painful and now I look at all that came from the ending.  Being able to use your surveyor skills of detached assessment or if you don’t have that… your poker skills of knowing when to fold and when to hold really put the mountain into perspective.  If real…start walking up and if not real…start walking away.