Shifting

I feel somewhat caught in two worlds and the world I am waking in is not the one I want to be in.  It is not so much that I like the sun, food, and massage of Thailand, I like the simple way of living.  In this world, I have to be very careful not to get sucked into the sink hole of offering an opinion.  I have a few things that I am committed to and will finish, but I am having to install a safety wire similar to those on a boat that you can be tethered to so you don’t go overboard.  My little boat is riding through some very rough waters with many nymphs of seduction waiting to snare my attention and ego.  And oh, my ego is so fragile in its new case.  The old case “I can do that”…”I can fix that” is very firm and strong.  The kernels of trying to make people happy with whom I am, is stronger than my beloved popcorn kernels. The habit of expectation that people will do what they say they will do is engraved on my habit heart and is much stronger than my baby “now” and knowledge that expectations will lead to disappointments and suffering.   I don’t want to suffer… I want to look at life through a glass lens and click a shutter and put words on paper in 600 word batching’s of short stories.  I want to climb out of the clutter, complete my shelter, let my “me” be me and stop tweaking for recognition, acceptance, and approval…   I will lose people – there presence and may there understanding for placing just one foot at a time in rhythmic order is different that the universal corporate mindset that asks more lock step and familiar prattle….   Time will tell were my bottle with a message will end. With luck, not on the shore of my past life.

[note: There are a few of you that get this as a regular email.  In the next months, there maybe more blah blah that pics, so if you are not interested in having my out loud thinking in your mailbox, just let me know.  To see if you are reading and interested, if I don't hear from you in the next few postings I will zap you off the distribution list and then tell you when I am travelling again.  Txs.]