I have to be very patient with myself for the next two weeks
but what will really help is at least having my bedroom in a place that is
comfortable for me. I will get the bed
tomorrow and the rug will come up next week….but even now, it is so open and
free in there when I go to rest. When I
am thrashing, feeling very unsettled and have more on my plate than even I can
handle…it is a great way to see the people in your life. Very few can really stick with a rocking
boat. Not a bad thing. Many are happier on the shore or not
comfortable with someone else’s discomfort or would prefer a steady Eddie
type. Well that is not me. It just helps to know who you would want on
your life raft. Most of the time when a
ship is going down, the waters around are not clam…there will be a
thrashing.
It has not quite been a month since I returned from a very
simple life of one room, routine, good diet, and just a few selected friends
etc… I didn’t think of it as vacation
but the way I want to live. Coming home
to multiple projects, the house all over the place in spite the heroic effort
of helper Beth to get the place perfect, dark rainy days, no time to cook or sit with a
meal on a regular basis and then community projects that suck the life out of
you…. I get spent. A massage once
every three weeks is not daily…I limp.
It is hard to get down to the floor and back up since I really can’t put
much pressure on my bent knee… but it is OK and I am grateful to be
walking.
I hesitate to say I see the light at the end of the tunnel
since my helper Russ reminds me that it might be a train coming the other way.
There have been a few express trains lately.
But I believe I see the end in sight with the house (after the new bed,
the carpet up, the furniture from the kitchen and dinning room moved to the
parlor and den to allow the floors to be refinished, Jim goes away for a week
and I tend a very ill dog…..) …and it will be just the way I wanted it to be..
and I am grateful for the help I have had and the funds to do it…….but the last
miles are the hardest.
I thought of Page and I trekking up to the home stay in
Vietnam over rocks and hills hungry and tired and carrying more than we needed
to in a pack. When we were finally there
and didn’t have to walk any farther, my body was so tired and sore I could
hardly enjoy the wonderful meal our guide prepared. (I did enjoy the garlic French
fries she made in an open pit fire and he beer from the generator driven
cooler) I went to bed dirty and got up
to a squat toilet that was more than a challenge to my beaten up body. Finally the mountain shower the next day and
the knowledge that they were able to cancel our trek to a spot far down the
road… helped ease the pain. I knew I
would make it…but I also recognized that the joy of skiing mountains for 18 hrs.
a week for as many years had taken a
toll. I am now more than ever realizing that selection is the key to life.
While I can afford to just buy things and put
them someplace… I am now doing it with discernment and that is what I am
committed to do with my time and energy as well as who is in my life raft.
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