My life class

I felt like I just stepped out of a shower after crawling around the basement all day.   For three or four years I have been trying to get myself to the Applied Philosophy course.  Last year, I sent in my money and then Georgette was in the process of dying and I had to drop before the first class.  To tend  to her and the animals.   Tonight I tended to me even with a strong ego undertow trying to drag me to stay home and tend to others.    In the last months of reading and trying to settle into a spiritual routine, I have been sitting with all the pieces but tonight just put the frame work on where I am going and what I must do. I know I am loved and even liked by some but for me respected is far more imported. When I feel that I am a non-person, my time is devalued, my name not remembered, I lose my grip on my higher self.   It is time to make some significant shifts and the shifts can’t just be when I am in the land of smiles. Being present for me is extremely important at this time of my life and in some ways it is a matter of life or death.  I need a nest both externally and internally that is safe and secure and free from things to trip over.

I know that I need to avoid negativity and the temptation to contribute to the pile of mayhem.  I am committed to NOW and yet yesterday I watched myself on a frantic runaway emotional train that I did not know how to stop and did not have the wisdom to get off at the last station for there was nothing I could do.  The train had been building up speed for months and yesterday was only the icing on the emotional cake.    Being present, the observer and balanced is so important.  One of the examples given last night was about having someone do something that is thoughtless or even wrong and our choice about our reaction really hit home.  The lesson was there was no going back and I thought of the energy that I expended feeling devalued only added to me devaluing myself.  I am far from perfect and make mistakes and if someone things even for a moment that I have the answers etc.. there is going to be a crash when it is apparent that I am just another bloke on the train.  

The question is what would a wise person do?  Well I was not wise.  So it is time for me to take some time to get myself steady and healed and when ready go forward to do the very best I can and remember the words of the rooms ….”and the wisdom to know the difference”.   

 We ended the class pairing with a stranger and saying…you are pure perfect and complete…. For our innocent core self surely is.   I felt like I had a shower of goodness and I am very grateful to be in the class and feel some stranger thought I was worth their positive words.   Ah…….