When I came down from the mtn I had a good feeling of calm and determination to not let anything come across my path that would enter my sense of serenity. Then Saturday evening I found a friend sit alone for dinner and stopped for a greeting.
She was waiting for someone who might not show and since we had not spoken for a few days, I ordered a lasse and we started to chat.
Soon the friend came and two words exchanged...hello hello, the person who joined us turned her chair away from my direction and began a general conversion with my friend. My lasse came and I paid as it arrived so I could leave quickly. Since the conversation was about Cambodia, I tried to ask a question only to get a phase answer and a feeling that my comments where not part of the dyad. I left shortly.
I could not let the situation go. I even smelled my underarms to see if there was something basically wrong. I don't think I had said more than 2 sentences and they were questions.
A long time ago I had ended up at a country western place near Brockport. I was struck by the fact, most of the women and many of the men were overweight. Two nice looking men came and stood next to where I was standing. It was a little noisy so they were speaking in loud voices. Finally one said, let's get out of here. Nobody is here except a couple of dogs lije this and he gestured in a very obvious manner in my direction. I left there soon after.
When I finally got to the point of my feelings it was that in both situations I felt like a non-person. Surely, no caring person would treat another as such for no reason.
I met my friend last night and told her how the situation had made me feel. She could tell something wasn't right but since she was not sitting with the woman's back to her she had a different perspective.
Two pieces of feedback came to me. 1. I can appear intimidating. If that is so, by just sitting at a table, I am probably lucky someone didn't jump on the table with a chair to keep me under control. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had actually engaged in the conversation. I know from other conversations that I can give an appearance of not being affected by what is said to me. Of course I eventually got my humor into the mix and said to myself, this 74 yr old 5 foot grey haired woman still has it. I will write about my impression of the Thai people and how many show the gasheo or put their hands together and give me a slight bow. Somewhere in the middle is great no bow and no back.
2) many people don't like Americans. Well that is like being short, not much I can do about that. I have spent much of my life in opposition to discrimination and those that are prejudice again a group/class/race/Creed etc and I have to say this is one of the few times where the location of your birth was an excuse for someone to be rude. I have held back that I was born in the Midwest since there is already a mark since I am from NEW YORK.
I will hold this woman in my heart for "she knows not what she does" and she will most probably have some karma to deal with.
Kindness, compassion, courtesy are the true mark of the civilized.
At home I see folks who feel chosen because they are follower and then they are unkind and speak ill of neighbors who don't act the same as they think they should.
I can't do anything about any of this but I can hold true to who I am and not become the critical or small.
I slept very well last night...and life is good.
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