If I maintain a realistic view of life and all the
situations it presents to me, I can take the drama and the dilemma that is encountered
as a challenge for bringing out and making use of my inner resources, human
capacities and potentialities.
When I think… I am rarely present. Desire caused me to want something that might
not be in my future or to recreate something that is a memory… usually
distorted in my past. When I think… I create stories and then more stories
missing what is in front of me…
What I love about letting the physical experience of my
journey in Thailand to be a metaphor for my life… I smile. I think I am present… rice field, child,
7/11, river… and then I miss a part of the pavement that isn't there…and I am
shaken into the present.
There are good and bad about everything… a person faints…I can
leap forward to break her fall before most realize what is happening…but I have
words put forth that are in one dimension, without tone, face etc. and I can
react with the same hair trigger.
When I can cease thinking… thinking ….thinking… I can “think”
with my heart and not my programmed head.
I came to Thailand to put boundaries and limits on my community
activity. I decided not to just run away
and vanish but to stay very connected, involved, input, email, etc. for the
first few weeks. I set the House Tour –
first weekend in Dec. as a boundary. Not
to my surprise, my community life has been unpacked…. But now I get to see it
from two dimensional and realize how
different some interact with me in person, how hard it is read some mail, and
how few people I really want to interact with while I am here. And the weekend is here and time for me to
step away… enter discernment and introspection.
In this way, I will try to train myself…. In quietness and
stillness the listening will take care of itself without the interference of
opinion, attitude and ideas. I can still
know that you are either part of the problem or the solution. I am the problem I am the solution.
I have eyes that can see many things that need to be
examined or at least acknowledged… 1400 people and 500 newsletters… a
disconnect to the poor, the neighbors, the group homes, the churches…. In
saying with passion, I give the opportunity react to the messenger and not the
message. If I must have success in
what I am doing, then I worship achievement … and I am not focused on what is
to be achieved.
Today is long meditation day… chant, walk, sit, walk, sit …..I
will walk through the door today… mindfully.
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