After

I do look back on my life, not with longing but more as a book that you purchase to spark an insight. From a high post looking back at little bonny then teen bonny then adult bonny then retired bonny… I see hundreds of times that I thought “after” it will be ok or better or I will not fall into poor me or great me pits.  Maybe it is because my “after” this or that days are more limited that I think what a waste of time that is.

Recently my “after” has been after I get a sauna after I clean up my office after I pay off the car and house.  From a spiritual perspective, it has been “after” I get enlightened, or perfect my practice, or go on the next retreat or read the next book

I just can’t go to the place where I let myself think if only you would, or he would say this or do this. I have no control over what happens to me at me or about me.  I just have some input into how I react.

Maybe “after” one of those times I had the insight that expending any energy on trying to make the world the way I think it should be….was a great waste of time. Sometimes, when I am more in touch with reality I see a person with a red make America great again hat looking at me and I them and both of us thinking how can the other’s thinking be so off since I know mine is so right.   Mmmmm.  

Perspective.

Until I get myself square on the here and now and away from after and if only, I will cause myself to suffer.  I know that suffering is like rain, it falls on all without an invitation and I should not take it personally.

Also, boundaries are only present in the photo of the moment.  Reality is seamless. So, looking for, waiting for, longing after is useless.  It happens all the time, but suffering happens when we think that if only this happens or after that happens it will make us happy.  Right here and now is all we have.

 Enjoy