It is very funny to me that people say.. oh you are so brave to ride the motorbike. They should have told me that when I was 40 and bought my first 50cc Honda… and before I had the license dumped it in the driveway and put my leg under the unprotected muffler. It was an interesting smell…my flesh frying on the metal and until the day it was not in my life, it had a brown circle on the spot on the bike. After years and years of changing skin. The book says you change skin every 27 days, but like the rings on a tree, you must count the layers of skin effected and each has its own healing level and time.
When I am in my present mode, I can see, I can move, I have very good spatial acuity which is a terrific asset when you are moving at 30mph between a car and the curb. So why not ride.
Then folks say, I admire your sense of adventure. I don’t see it as adventure as much as reacting to what is presented to me. Ok, must move my body to various places in order to see different things in front of me, but that is not an adventure or being venturesome. When I was young and there was a rock in front of me.. I had to see what was on the other side of the rock. Now my rock is the earth and so I am on the other side of the planet looking to see what is here. I am amazed at the number of things people who have not done that with even things that are very visible… the Waroros Market, the events at the Tha Phae Gate etc. Now to be at the right place at the right time, you might want to check the happenings page in the paper or City Life, but that is true at home.
How do you have the courage to do this alone? I live alone. My life is without a partner. I would not sit home if I were not alone, why if I am alone. I don't have to talk anyone into doing anything. I read the obituaries to see if I know anyone. And what they say… read them… died peacefully. Died in his sleep surrounded by family… really?? Did he care. I have yet to see, was a miserable person and died miserably. Then there are the subtle things like send donations to Hope Town. Well since the person is 25 and that is for addicts, I would say Hope Town did not offer enough hope and were not too successful. I had dinner with a new friend last night who told me her ex-husband died taking a wiz in the snow… when they found him days later in the snow. He was still in the position of the relief… Bet they didn’t put that in the paper…I still laugh when I think about it .. but he had a heart attack and the lights went out, and he died with his fly open...
But, I also have several friends who have made a choice to take a chance that some rat poison or left-over gas chamber gas will cure their cancer. Their rationale is that it might heal them or give them more time or whatever and they don’t want to suffer. Have you been with folks who get juiced to get the cure and then spend the time home alone in the bathroom? This is where I say, I don’t know what I would do.
A few years ago, when I suddenly lost the hearing in my left ear and was having an MRI to see if I had a brain tumor, as I laid there listening to the boom boom boom of the magnetic field moving around, I thought, if I have a month, I will get on a plane and fly to Turkey join a flotilla and sail by myself in the Aegean. I would like to think I would still want to do that and that no little voice would say… what are you crazy? You could die!!!! Really.
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