listen with selective hearing

I might need more than 25 days to get so what others say and do has no effect on my mind and heart.

 I use to marvel at how my mother could just listen to folks babble on about stuff I know she had a very different opinion about and while she never said ..you are a 100% right, she didn’t say they were wrong.  Everyone liked my Mom.  I, of course, I thought she was a chameleon and could just blend in, so she did not rock any boat.

 Now the primary focus of my practice and dharma work is to have a clear head and heart and not react to what is said to me to me or about me.  In looking back, maybe my mom had a better Buddhist practice than I thought.  There is a slight difference, in my efforts, the direction I am going is to be clear about who I am and what I believe.  If something is said or I read something, is it my truth or if it is not, to look at it neutrally and take what is given that can fit my path and just leave the rest. I believe the woman with the smile comment was a significant turning point for me.   I have found in the past few weeks that I have little reaction to what is said about me.  It wasn’t the comment as much as her invasion of my calm, relaxing meal.  I have come to accept and enjoy solitude.   I know I am ready for the 21days of silence and some of which will be in a small room with just water.

The other lesson learned was the pain I cause myself with expectation.  I have dropped much of my expectations and feel myself moving farther away from a need to belong or want to be connected to people with whom I feel little connection.  Every time I ride by myself, I think … this person or that would enjoy the experience, the view, etc. it would be nice to share.   So when I thought I was going to have that experience, I pushed myself into the future, and when I learned that I was not going to have the experience, I forced myself into the pain of disappointment.   I know better, and at least 100 times I had said, no expectation, no disappointment.   We cause ourselves to suffer.

I am off to a brunch.   I enjoy some of the people there, but I enjoy the meal.  A great brunch with to order omelets, waffles etc. but best of all good western coffee… and I am sure to get my share and some.  See.. there I go with an expectation.