so few shoulds...learning to love the free space

There is something the same about the morning...the gong goes at 4:20 and the dogs go off at 4:21...and there is a still breeze and the then the many birds with so many sounds. You start your day with a similar ritual and know that while you wash and brush and prepare for the day, the safron robes are moving silently with barefoot monks through the morning light.. The traffic picks up...the sweepers are out and you feel the comfort of the sameness. The hardest part of the trip...learning not to do things... Other than summer camp and then there was more than too much to do... learning how to pace yourself and not do things...there is nothing to do after you put the clothes on and eat...It is a simple life....far from monastic since I have stuff...but simple. There is beer and peanuts in the refrig...you get your clothes washed every few days...you walk down 8 sets of 10 stair... call the farm... and walk up... get your helmet...go to class...have breakfast...shower... and then you don't have to do anything...a hard hard lesson to learn. I have spent most of my life in running after what I felt was my duty, my responsibility, my obligation..and now...i can do it or not...it gets done or not... but I will not cause myself to suffer. I ate with the canadians last night...and asked how they felt about going home..petrified ...here I can let myself do nothing....read.. meditate...breath...exercise...and just be...is what I thought...I have been a fast person..jump in and do....this will be a monumental change. But if I can pull it off... it will be great.... if you don't want sand in the shoes...don't wear shoes.