Feelings before To Do

One of the great liberating teachings of Buddhism is that you inherit your body from your family but not your mind.  

The mind –  thoughts -  emotions and memory are created by the reflection of what is believed to have happened. For me, I then add my judgement of how well or poorly it happened and how great or small the effect.

Some of what happened, I label right – naturally, I was given shelter and food.  I was never a poster subject for the starving child – as in please feed me.   I was given the emotional support that was available from my family, and I do not have broken bones or childhood scars from beatings, etc.  

  

It was interesting to me when I was doing therapy to work with siblings who were ten months apart and a few twins.   They saw the house, the relatives, the family, even the dog in a different way.  It one child had a fear of the dog, they saw the dog as big and mean, and if the other loved the same dog, it was huggable and cute.   The same was true of parents.  Some saw firm but loving, and others saw controlling and “mean”.  

I also believe that some children make up stories about what happened to them or can be conditioned by someone, often well meaning but over programming therapist,  to think something happened that did not.  

When I reflect on my life, I see a few very big things that caused others pain, confusion, injury.  I wish that it did not happen but it did.  In some cases it was a small thing that was seen as much bigger and in other cases it was a big thing to me but a small thing to the other.  In twelve steps and other purging processes, you are encouraged to go back and make amends.  Make amends is far different than I am sorry and in most cases, that is all that you really can do.   The most productive action is to learn what you can from the situation and move on from this point.

Rear view mirror looking always has some distortion depending upon the glass and your eyesight.  We often tend to see more red in the vista if we seek red, love red, or hate red.  

In my spiritual/life practice, I am beginning to see that I am bigger than my feelings and that when I feel something it is a road sign to my core or soul.   I cannot change what happened or didn’t happen to me but I can change how much power I give to it and how much I will let it affect my life going forward.

Being sad about something that occurred 20- 40 – 60 yrs ago in my view is a waste of sad.  I am sad when I feel stuck looking out the back of the car window.  First, I might run over a dog and second, I will miss the wonderful experience of NOW with all the good bad and ugly of today.

So one of the things I am doing today is getting clear about how I actually want to feel within myself and then designing the to-do list, setting goals and adding to my bucket list.   I have nothing to prove only to experience and NOW is juicy