Pajama Day

On Wednesday, I had a pajama day.  My sleep has been somewhat irregular so while I get 6-7 hrs, it is usually 2hrs then pause and 4 hrs.  Wednesday it caught up with me so I got up.. and then went back to bed.  Being on a “schedule” or the time I should be up and doing is a conditioning that goes far back. 

There was a “routine” at the parent house and one of the rules was, no matter what time I came home, I was up, dressed and ready for the day for breakfast.  There were days that the egg yoke breaking on the plate looked like the bottom of my stomach but I was up and ate the egg.  I am sure my mother knew I was dying, but my father was just happy I was at the table. 

 I only ate one big meal Wednesday – my Wednesday special Pern meal with a ½ carafe of red wine.  You would think I would have been slept out, but after the 10hr sleep I was ready for another 6.  In looking at the pattern I look at my conditioning. Some place very early in life, we grab onto a style of living and it becomes our pattern.  The only times I stayed in bed all day was when I was in bed with someone.  In those times, I hardly came up for air and was lucky to get a real meal.

I am watching bonny these days and mainly looking at how I think and live is different from others and why that way of approaching life has caused me some problems with relationships.  Intellectually, I know that there are types of personalities or manner of approaching life but when my “style” comes to bite me, I am always surprised.  

I tend to be half way down the road marching against the dragons just believing that my slingshot will do the trick.  The people who have to go to the library and read about dragons drive me dizzy just as my take action is disconcerting to them.   My energy has always been a “problem” to folks that think there are rules or don’t care for my direct approach.  When I say what I am thinking, it has often been called the Bonny Bomb.  I see it as not beating around the bush.   The nice outside but nasty inside presentation has never set well with me and just like those folks could not be me, I could not be them.  There is no right or wrong about all of this.  What my personal work is helping me to see is that I do not need to change but I need to accept that when I am direct, those that are timid, slower etc. are going to be upset and it might cost me a contact.  On the other hand, when I use my intuitive skills to know how to “sell”, I can modulate my presentation so it can be heard. 

Spending a lot of time with Bonny has been good.  I have a better idea of who she is and who she wants to be as well as how she came to be where she is today.  I like her.  She has spunk.   Mary Tyler Moore had spunk and many people liked her… who knows……