Spinning is rarely productive

     Being in touch with how you are feeling, what is happening to your mind and body more often than not is really an interesting experience.

     Yesterday, I had a tooth extracted.  Well more like dug out of my jaw.   The root was cracked, and while the nerve was dead, the tooth was attached to being in my mouth. 

 

     After the two very big shots of nonvaccine, which was not a comfortable experience, I did not feel anything and found listening to the crunching to be disconcerting.  It was an opportunity to feel open and spacious versus tight and grasping to be out of the position.   There was nothing to do and no place to go except lay there and feel my heartbeat and observe what happened to me when I just relaxed.  Not saying I was ready to sleep, but the more I just let the Dr do his thing and do my belly breathing and say relax   Relax   Let Don't cling    It got much easier just to be there as an observer and not someone having an old friend, an old tooth, ripped out of the jaw.     I could feel the difference in my body/mind from being tight to being open to the experience.

     My mind went to all the things that are happening at this very second.  Someone born-someone dies, a child is born to love, and a child is not picked up, someone overeats, and someone starves all at the very second, I am here and now.  It has been my experience to see me as the center of everything and only rarely am I part of a universe and not the center of mine.  Most of the time, it is me, mine, my friends, house, community.  I make my universe very small.

     The smaller my universe, the more important I make myself.  Like a character in a movie – It is all about being as perfect as can be.   When my life is more in perspective, my little stuff matters little in the scheme of things.  I am up or down, on top or underneath, it is the way it is.

Mental spinning is a very unsatisfactory condition.  If only he would or I would or they would or they should etc..   Re-arranging the chairs on the Titanic.  I think one of the best lines I read in one of Tollifson’s books…. The treadmill goes faster, but the carrot doesn’t get any closer.    

Mmmmm   so stop running, spinning, trying to be perfect.  Enjoy the experience.