Know when to hold and went to fold

     I am moving toward the 800^th blog entry, and that will bring me to the end of my 2017-18 Thailand trip.  I find journaling every day a very good thing to help me put some “meat” around some of my thinking and some of the observations that I make.  I have shared this over the years with a variety of people, and many of the original group are folks that I don’t have much contact with at this time.   Many of those people said they were not interested in my “soapbox” but wanted more stories and pictures.

     In looking back, I am now almost all “soapbox” or at least where my thinking is or what have I learned.  I will not say never, but I plan to phase out the blog at the end of this trip.

     When I was in my 20’s, I told my Dad I was going to change jobs.  I was offered a new opportunity with much more money (I was only making $4500 annual in 1962, so $1000 more was very tempting).  My father came from “you stay where you are and be loyal” perspective which was pretty common then.  You just don’t change horses.  Since Georgette’s passing, only my childhood friend Elaine is in my life from those days. 

    Movement happens, and I am beginning to see that it is a good thing.  I don’t do well with lots of small chatter.  I do more poorly with gossip.  I want to chew a leg off when in a situation that is just babble.  I want to know what others are learning or seeing as their reality or truth. Even what someone finds amusing.  It can be about anything.. a shortcut to someplace or info on eating or what you see, feel or think when you are quiet. Deep as a dish conversation only lasts through the appetizer.   

     Sometimes, you just know that what is happening in your life at this moment is not productive or “healthy” for anyone.  Quitting on an unsettling situation appears to be a bad thing as in you are a quitter rather the reality – you have assessed your options and what is best for me and maybe you is to move on, walk away, go in another direction or just sit quietly. 

      By the 1962 rules, quitting must involve beating myself up, feeling guilty or shamed.  Why couldn’t I make this work?   Maybe the situation is about “how grown up are you?”  Can you make the tough choices without recrimination, regret, remorse, etc? Is it really necessary to beat yourself up so you can feel better that there was some self-inflicted pain involved in an already painful situation?

Everything in our life happens for a reason, but everything is impermanent. We just fool ourselves into the “now I have everything under control or settled”……ha.