Yes and No

     I am very pleased to say I slept over 6 hrs with only one up in the night.  this is second night on the FIRM bed..(an Asian thing)   The Melitonin is great.   Probably helped by taking  a good get organize day... got the camera strapped on the carrying case and took a scoot to find where I was having dinner. Bought my toothpaste and shampoo....   Also tried to find the outside exercise place... but today I will do more walking.and that will be good exercise.  I am still ahead of folks on the fit-bit team... (I am not a competitive person... mmmm)
     Most of all... I  had dinner with my Canadian gypsy friend.  I know she is important to me, but I forget how compatible we are or I should say how she brings out my humor side.  I smile all the way home - following her bike on my scooter after we have an adventure ---I was waiting for her to just take off as in the Wizard of Oz.
      Last night we met at the Bird's Nest for a Sat night theme buffet. (150 bt or $5)  Last nights theme was a veggie Mexican  or basically a taco and grilled veggies. They offered a margarita but I opted for a tall Leo.  It was a buffet but I was so full from our fun conversation that one plate did it for me... we got there at 7 and closed the place (9pm)  Jeannine, the gypsy, was the one that introduced me to Michael Brown..the Present Process... I have been looking for a process so when I got home I picked it up again and looked at book marks..  i think this is the time to get present.  A few things struck me... know when to say no and mean it and when to say yes and mean it...
       I  will marry the proces with what I gleaned from an article I read in Tricycle...  I will set up an imaginary discard container and do my slow cleaning with my life... one drawer at time...   That process is just to do that... open a draw.. (file cabinet of your life) and pick up everything and really be present .. is this something of value..., helps me be a better bonny...or this something to give to someone who wants it, needs it. could use it... then re purpose and step away.. or is this something that drains my energy, saps my soul... into the discard container....DC  
      I go to Thailand to help Bonny get some perspective on life.. .or  is what in front of me mine to own ..or do I wish others to be different... Not going to happen...  You can't change others.. you can try to influence.. you can ask for what you need.... but eventually -- you need to find playmates with similar values... so    #1... I need to "move" off my side street.. move off...move on... say No.. and not be part of any litter ...who knows, I am probably part of the problem but I know I can't stand in the "love canal" and be well...  
    Off to get my break/fast... and the next post will be for the picture lovers...and word toleraters... bonny with a y...that is me...and the y is for yes to life.

First Sat.

It is all good.  As I feared, the bank did not understand that I would be taking out $1000 ... so I only got $300 and then it said contact your bank.   Since it last Friday night, the bank is closed and hopefully we can get it corrected.  Sopha knows where I live..so she is not anxious for the money... but she has my passport and it would be nice to get it accomplished.
I had breakfast with Henry this am.  Hannah was under the weather (I am just thinking what a strange expression that is... I would what kind of weather it is when you have digestive problems vs a cold)  The oatmeal and banana with coconut milk was terrific. After we  went to a coffee place where they make terrific cappachino.  Also, there is a baker in the house and I had a croissant that was so hot the butter just melted...   Tonight I will go to a Mexican vegetarian buffet at the Bird's Nest Cafe.  Hopefully I will find it.   I did find the organic food market..amazing.  that was the good thing and the bad thing... the organic bug repellent bottle did not close so I have a half bottle in a plastic bag... and that brings me to the black box above.  When H&H visited Rochester, I used the phrase It's all good... so that is what it says on my new t-shirt... My camara case is calling me out the door... so poof.  ..

Coming to second home

While there is a sense of returning, 48 Atkinson is my only owned property and so it will always be my home.   Coming into the city today is a returning to my sanctuary.  How one can say this bustling city is a sanctuary leave much to even my imagination.  As I came from the airport, I can say...that is when we had the dinner with Beth ..first trip.. that is where I had lunch with Jeannine..that is the road to the movies... there is the Jok place... here is the one way street ....the mugkala clinic... dada health food... Soi 6... my street.  New construction replacing some of the small funny little shops.  Tin served me dinner... Sopha is cutting the bushes in the front....There is more of a presence of military and police but it doesn't slow down the traffic and the scooters weaving in and out.  
I jumped on the scooter as if I had never left...tooled for gas,,, dinner... a beer and massage.
H&H were here to meet me.. but I was not to be met having taken a cab from the airport...   I am packing better.. forgot little..and all is good except my body has not see water in 35 hrs and the thought of hot water and soap is drawing me to the lower level.
As I become clearer, I will write more about the purpose and goal(s) for the trip.  To make it simple it is to value my time and effort and be happy.  As I cruised the movie list and watch some movies... I also noted that they had audio books.  Only three.  what are the chances that the third book would be one I had thought of buying... Zen of Done.  While it is a time management process...this is based upon finding your passion ... doing three Most important Tasks a day....and setting person priorities.   Now how was that for a beginning.....   and I took notes and paused.  

Introduction

Let me introduce myself.  My name is Max-a-million but you can call me Max. I have little idea of all the places I have been or even who my parents were.  I think I was born in the Carolina's and then "rescued" ( a fancy name for dumped).  That is how I came north. I got sick and needed some surgery to fix my stomach... and while I think I am wonderful and will love you more than you want me to, the rescue people did not think that was a great idea. Lucky for me they took me to a vet that thinks little guys should have a chance and they could see the love I had to give someone.  Maybe the person will need to be rescued and I will not abandoned them. In fact, I will not let them out of my sight.
So the vet rescued me from the rescue folks and cut my belly and fixed me up. I was living in a pen area of the vet for the past few months so I forgot a few things, like you are to tell someone you need to go out to poop or you don't poop on the dinning room floor.  I am smart and just need some help.
So yesterday July 8th. my friend Amy led me into a little viewing room and I met some folks.  The one, Georgiana, I met on Friday with her dog Jill.  She brought a friend with her and I played very hard to get so I got lots of treats.  The new person, Bonny, sat on the floor and I played hard to get and even got her with my mouth.  I did not want to be "rescued" if it meant another take me home, I have an issue and dump me.  It took a while but soon my bed and toys were in the car and we were on the road.  I like to go for rides and so I just sat and looked out the window and sat.  We picked up a crate which is just a fancy word for cage and then we were to Bonny's house.
I heard something about cats and I am familiar with them...but there were three of them.  I can't say any of them came running out with a welcome to the house present.  In fact the girl cat....who is called Bitchy Missy was exactly like that.  She and I had words... and posed at each other and she got my head with the tip of her claw.  I think it is better to be a lover than a fighter.  The one has very funny fur with a fluffy tail and socks.... strange but the most friendly and he will almost play with me. I wasn't too happy to share the big bed with him, but we did ok until he jumped back on the bed near me.  I told him to be careful but I went down on the floor and into my own bed....    The last one is big....BIG....BIGGER THAN ME.  He stands around and watches what I am doing and while I am a tenacious terrier (OK....not full Jack Russell...but a little dachshund), I think it is prudent that I not make him angry.    So, if home is where your bed is.... I must be home.... and time to just chill out and watch the birds....

Thinking

In my meditation practice, I often find that I am saying thinking thinking thinking more than rising, falling. I am beginning to total accept... "it is all good" and to beat myself up for not doing it right is to go back to formal religion and having to do it right or god, Sr Mary somebody, the priest, my mother will give me one of those looks.  
I looked up thinking.....the process of using one's mind to consider or reason about something.  That is not what I am doing.. what I have been doing is rehearsing what I am going to say to some one.. either apology or blame or I am reviewing what I have already said or done.  Looking forward...Looking backward.  My head is spinning.
If I were really thinking, it would lofty...world peace or solving the ozone issues.  No...I am spending my mental time on rehearsing and or reliving.  It is either going back to a place I will not visit again or forward to a place I will never see since a conversation will never evolve as I planning or rehearse it.     Crazy stuff.    so... I am going to drop that and drag me back to the Now.

Home Part 2

Still trying to hold to my new tranquil NOW self, well home much is the room... (I have paid #120 for the room at Sleep Inn 2)...with tax $108.  So with the cab $228 to sleep....  I am reminded that it was $320 a month for room and scooter in my little warm sunny bungalow...    I also need to ask for some tissues since I am starting to sneeze.   Usually I only get a cold when I am very depressed about something, but it could have been 450 hacking Chinese folk on a sealed plane for 13 hrs that send something my way.  So I am now whipping my nose while gathering my duffle and backpack and waiting for the town car the desk person has called.  He tried a metered cab, but alas...I will have a “this is what you owe me person”.   The SUV arrived in about 15 min.  The two gents trying to get money from the internet walk out to get something to eat.. I did not see anything that looked like open..but that is their thing

I thought we were driving to Newark since I was in the car about 15 minutes.  The Sleep Inn 2 was listed as an airport motel, but it must have been on the other side.  We managed to experience about 20 red lights...so after I paid $30...chachink chachink... I was standing at the bottom of some stairs facing the elevator inside the sub-lobby of Sleep Inn 2.  In addition to money going out...time was ticking by. 

I saw two people talking to the desk woman so I tried the elevator...nothing...   tried the door and it opened and I dragged the duffle, backpack, tissues, and what is left of Bonny up the stair.   The couple at the desk are travelling light... as in no luggage....  but they finally got settled and it was my turn.

Sorry about the limo but we have one for you to go back...good   You need to leave at 7 for the 9:30 flight... ok... breakfast at 6...vending machines on 2 and basement when the breakfast is ..... credit card for “incidentals” what ....the limo is free..the breakfast is free.... there is nothing to eat now...but ok here it is... and I am in 408....   you need the room key to operate the elevator in sub floor...which makes sense since you arrive with luggage.  Maybe this is a test that you are healthy enough to stay and Sleep Inn.

Up to 408.....  blow nose.. they have tissues...mmm bathroom....mmmm and I start to put the stuff that can fly into the duffle and take the winter stuff out into the backpack... well...what is the weather like.... where is the remote.   I looked in the drawers, under the bed, in the bathroom, around the tv... and finally...phone to the desk.... did I get the only $120 room with the cheaper TV that is only for decoration. (ok...i slipped into my usual smart response...but I am tired... with cold and it is now 2am Tuesday and I left the bed in Bangkok at 6pm Sunday  butting it into one time zone....)  I’ll come right up... she brings a remote, which doesn't work... goes back and brings another.  Unplugged the TV and when it starts up again the remote works.    Could you get me up at 6 I said as I set my vibrating alarm, watch, tablet, and cellphone.

I got ready for bed thinking...I will shower in the am..I am sure the breakfast will not take long. And at about 2:45....TV off and zzzzz

At 6:15, something woke me but it wasn't anything I had set since they were all 12 hrs off.  I asked about the wake up call and she said...oh I set your clock..now that was scary...what else can she do remotely.  By the time I got organized and my sleepers stowed... I rationalizing that travelling without a shower was better than no coffee.   So I trudged down to the lobby with my gear, grabbed a coffee and a sticky bun (ugh) and waited in the lobby.  

I was the only passenger to the airport...so after hearing my story the driver said I can drop you off at station 5.... and then got off at 4 and had to get a ticket and out and around the on to 5.

I had checked in so I just had to drop the bag off and get into the priority immigration line and off I was sitting in the waiting area for the plane and the last leg home...to a waiting Joe with a happy to see you face.

Home Part 1

Getting into NYC was as it always is..returning to a third world country.  While I started out seated in mid plane, I ended up immediately in front of the toilet.  I can tell you the swish noise made by airbus toilets travelling 500+ at high altitudes is very loud and with everyone drinking during the 13hr flight..wosh wosh went the sound of the plane.  I watched the movies and ate the Indian Vegetarian and slept a couple of hours but when the plane landed at 10:30PM...to start the deboarding and reentry, I was not in great shape. 

The Chinese plane was primarily Asian but the majority was either green cards or US citizens.  So the massive group slowly snaked along until we were shown which row to get in to go through customs.  Of course there are three inspectors, 2 line em uppers, and several that are walking about just in case.

Since I was the one of the first to board the first plane, my duffle was one of the last to snake down the ramp.  Happily Jeannine’s safety pin held up the far end of the zipper and down it came in tack.  My backpack was fairly close to the 47 pound duffle.  So off I went for the overnight stay.  Unlike any other country with major cities, there are no planes from NYC to Rochester; the third largest city in the empire state, after 10:30 PM, so overnight was not an option.

I put on my coat, picked up the backbreaker and got the duffle rolling out of the airport, across the parking area, and up the elevator to the sky train.  I took the train to Federal Circle and then down the elevator to the walk out to the airport to motel shuttles.

I had retrieved the paper with the prepaid numbers for the Sleep Inn which after a 15 min wait decided to retrieve the paper and call the motel.  It was now 11:45.  I am starting to be weary of travel and want to try to get some shut eye before I have to return to the airport for the morning flight.

The friendly woman on the other end of the phone says, “There are no pickup after 11, you’ll have to get a cab”.  Since I am in my new Zen mode, I didn't levitate and say...nothing on this paper says that or I would not have taken all this time to get to Federal Circle to wait for the bus..  “Thank you...see you soon” my better self said.

Get the backbreaker back on the back, turn the duffle around and start back to the elevator.  The transit person was at the stop and suggested I get off at terminal 4 since that would have the best shot at a cab.  On the trail....Off at #4....walk a long way....escalator down... and as I am walking toward the cab area a driver says I’ll take for $45 dollars.  I kept walking and got in the cue and boarded a yellow cab with a meter.  I gave him my paper and said Sleep Inn and here is the address.  He looked at the paper and off we were...   I am tired....but there it was Sleep Inn and I am ready to sleep.  He left me off at the fence since turning in would have been a chore and I gave him the $12 for the cab and $5 because I needed to work off some Karma for thinking about levitating...

I entered the lobby which was not much and there were 4 men in the lobby, two trying to get a credit card to work so they could stay and two that worked at the Sleep Inn.....   I remembered that it was a woman that answered the phone when I called, but I still said... I made it and gave him the paper.  He said... you are at the wrong Sleep Inn.. They are a different owner and I can’t just switch the room......  (to be continued)

end of the road.

I put the picture on Facebook but wanted to speak more about it

Most of the folks were a long way off.  I was sitting two rows in and it was lunch time. I don't think too many saw the camera. Some were by themselves like the young man at the top right.
Hats are big this year.  I wear my CH baseball cap when the son is cooking.
There are still colored hair and extensions.
The three on the right are working Thais. Their days are often 10 hrs and six days.
I have noticed that most don't tip.
Earlier I ended up at a local Wat there was much going on. In this picture two males are having relatives cut their hair and eventually the heads were shaved. They are about to be monks

I

In the same temple, a couple where making a commitment. Boy, they look young

These were the monks chanting at the commitment.

I'll end on 2 notes...thank you Rod for my grounding

Thanks to the Chung beer folks

And enough reflecting for one year.

Bangkok re visited

I actually like the city but it is hot. so I do breakfast and the return then out again and returnshower and tthen out again. It's midday that is not pleasant.  This time out I will take the phone camera.
So what is new old in between.
There is a police presence. I noticed on the sky train from the airport that there were 2 walking through the card . Also there were tents visible at the Suam area.  I will go see my lambogini probably tomorrow. I booked my airport taxi so I guess I will come home.
So what's happening.

This is the arm of a young, , early 20's who was sitting with some who was eating breakfast at the place I was eating. I looked at the little scratches on,my forearm and thought I would have to me under something to do this. I did ask to take the picture.

There are several ways to read this sign. I think the place has been there a long time.

There fewer Chinese and very few non Caucasians. Most of the Western folks speak English but are from everywhere but US.  Scandinavian, swiss, slovic.etc.

This woman sat next to me as I drank my Chang and ate roasted nuts. She was happily texting until she started to so . Then she got herself together and started again. I gave her my nuts and went to dinner. On my was home she was still there but with another person.  New meanings to crying in your beer.

Kababs are are big thing on the street. Now you know they are turkis. There are still fols with bugs and smoothies and of course the hilltribe folks

I have not seen the nice silver bracelets which are now replaced with string

These two look like they are saying, Dorothy I don't think this is Kansas.
And then there are those that came and stayed and don't remember where they are from

information comes from unexpected sourses or I found my soapbox.

When I came down from the mtn I had a good feeling of calm and determination to not let anything come across my path that would enter my sense of serenity.  Then Saturday evening I found a friend sit alone for dinner and stopped for a greeting.
She was waiting for someone who might not show and since we had not spoken for a few days, I ordered a lasse and we started to chat.
Soon the friend came and two words exchanged...hello hello, the person who joined us turned her chair away from my direction and began a general conversion with my friend. My lasse came and I paid as it arrived so I could leave quickly. Since the conversation was about Cambodia, I tried to ask a question only to get a phase answer and a feeling that my comments where not part of the dyad. I left shortly.
I could not let the situation go. I even smelled my underarms to see if there was something basically wrong. I don't think I had said more than 2 sentences and they were questions.
A long time ago I had ended up at a country western place near Brockport. I was struck by the fact, most of the women and many of the men were overweight. Two nice looking men came and stood next to where I was standing. It was a little noisy so they were speaking in loud voices. Finally one said,  let's get out of here. Nobody is here except a couple of dogs lije this  and he gestured in a very obvious manner in my direction. I left there soon after.
When I finally got to the point of my feelings it was that in both situations I felt like a non-person. Surely, no caring person would treat another as such for no reason.
I met my friend last night and told her how the situation had made me feel. She could tell something wasn't right but since she was not sitting with the woman's back to her she had a different perspective.
Two pieces of feedback came to me. 1. I can appear intimidating. If that is so, by just sitting at a table,  I am probably lucky someone didn't jump on the table with a chair to keep me under control.  I can't imagine what would have happened if I had actually engaged in the conversation. I know from other conversations that I can give an appearance of not being affected by what is said to me.  Of course I eventually got my humor into the mix and said to myself, this 74 yr old 5 foot grey haired woman still has it. I will write about my impression of the Thai people and how many show the gasheo or put their hands together and give me a slight bow.  Somewhere in the middle is great no bow and no back.
2) many people don't like Americans.  Well that is like being short, not much I can do about that. I have spent much of my life in opposition to discrimination and those that are prejudice again a group/class/race/Creed etc and I have to say this is one of the few times where the location of your birth was an excuse for someone to be rude.  I have held back that I was born in the Midwest since there is already a mark since I am from NEW YORK.
I will hold this woman in my heart for "she knows not what she does" and she will most probably have some karma to deal with.
Kindness,  compassion, courtesy are the true mark of the civilized.
At home I see folks who feel chosen because they are follower and then they are unkind and speak ill of neighbors who don't act the same as they think they should.
I can't do anything about any of this but I can hold true to who I am and not become the critical or small.
I slept very well last night...and life is good.

the mis-take of the mis-take

Well from the response I have received from my mis-take blog, it would appear that I need more work on my choice of words. Maybe my non-note taking notes in my head will help.
The little monk had this comment re ranting radio talk shows. These shows are for people who thrive on conflict. If you are on the side of the host you can be mad with the host and feel like you have made a difference in the world but you go into action no further than your radio. if you are no on the side of the host you can be mad at the host and feel like you have made a difference in the world but you go into action no further than the radio. Only the host wins because he is paid well to vent but needs to do little more than sit in a studio.
 OK some random thoughts.
Peace is one of the most important elements to happiness; peace with self, others and the world. Peace inside must be cultivated slowly over time but first there must be peace outside - avoid all conflicts- with others, all situation that generate dissension in the body mind, and displays of violence - war, ,quarrels -all harmful to the embryonic inner peace.
Serenity help you become accustomed to peace. Avoid people who present discord - who get angry, talk about others, are mean spirited or vengeful. It is better that we are wrong (with limits - you are not a door mat) so that conflict can stop. Apologies and forgive. Be clear -what you feel, need, desire and limits.
Avoid speaking about topic that create a dispute. Most are attached to their beliefs and opinions, so why talk. Don't interfere with others business
Control your own behavior.
 Don't express negative emotions. observe and then transform. Every time we remain quiet our inner peace gets stronger.
When fear, doubt, desire, hesitation takes hold...find that calm space - solitude, sit in silence and breath seeking clarity Hold no grudges.
 Every that happens to us is our doing called to us are our lesson - accept myself just as I am - weakness, limitations, qualities and love myself to improve myself and find the root of the suffering.
 Work starts with myself. I am the only one that I can rely upon in all situation.
Cherish your relationship with the self/Self by creating a haven in your heart that no one can enter or tarnish and where we take refuge during a storm. 

Mis-take

Somewhere in the middle of all of my thinking these past few days, I was drawn to re examine Coming to our Senses, healing ourselves  (Jon Kabat-Zinn) The whole mindfulness stuff has to do with not being on the slippery slope of the casual chain from mis-perception to mis-apprehension to mis-appraisal to mis-attribution and eventually mis-take. The moral of many stories...it ain't necessarily so.
I see that it is so important to check and double check what we say and write. I am responsible for my words. When I write on the blog the auto correct takes over and adjust what I think I am saying to what it thinks I should be saying. When I read it back, I think what is that, who wrote that.
I know that I have a processing issue. I think much faster than I write. I leave out words and for the most part, my loving friends fill in the blanks. I don't do well with folks that are literal or precise. But those are the very people who will force me to grow.
 I also see that often when I was trying to keep someone from suffering, I jumped in, well meaning, but my act and words were seen as uncaring or not listening.
 It is much easier to just listen and not try to fix.
 I have kept 1000 of emails and have read many over and can see who responds and what they say. Not listening is endemic. In one case when I said, I would be more comfortable if I could bring a friend, what was reported was I was not coming at all. I appeared a drama queen when I was hurting and just wanted some support.
In another case, I asked for clarity about what someone said and I was told, I get 100's emails and just thought the topic was about something else.
What all this says to me, our rushing can lead to many mis-takes and many people want a free pass when a mis-take is made but might not want to give the same to others.
 I can't do much about others but I will try very hard to live and write and speak more mindfully. I have been accused of sending email bombs but I read them as strong opinions about a topic not the person. I have received some very cruel personal attacks about my effort and ability. I know the difference.
I will do my very best not to lose my love of life and spontaneous nature. If I make a mistake, I will try to correct the problem. I am human. You are human and if I don't understand I will ask for clarity rather than kicking someone to the curb.
 I am sad because I may have to move on and away from those that want the free pass but don't want to do the work. I know there are many people out there and in my life that are on a quest for inner peace and compassion. "I am here to end suffering, if suffering is more important than anything, I will end suffering..."

meditation center

The meditation center is located on the down side of the mountain. You go up the stairs or elevator and then down past the monk lodging and barking dogs and over a pulling for hauling construction materials. I think i was one of the few that did not text etc . but I had made a decision to take a few pictures before I left. I could not get the DROID to cut the flash for the one picture I wanted was the scene of Chaingmai at night. During the day there is haze but at night wonderful lights.
So this was my lavish room.  A bed with a mattress harder than my bungalow and some sitting pillows for meditation in the room. Not much to dust. A pad cover and a blanket.

I did some sitting and walking in the room but mostly in the chapel or meditation hall shown below.
The room was in a two story building with 5 rooms on each floor and a shower and toilets at the end of the hall. Two buildings for men and 2 women.

Yes it is hilly and constant steps.  The building in the back is the eating floor 7 and 11am and the meditation hall and the dharma talk and chanting room.

returned

Spiritual change is precisely a process that is bigger than you. You don't contol it, you surrender. You don't reinvent yourself through spiritual work. You face yourself and then you must let go of all the ghastly things you find.  But there is no end to the ghastly things.  They keep coming.  The ego is a bottomless pit of suckiness. And so you finely let go of the self that clings to itself.
True freedom comes when ego goes.  Shogen Jack Haubner

ready

I remember my first retreat. I was in high school. I spent most of the time looking at the other young girls and wondering how they could pray that long, what do you say and what is there to talk about.
In our senior year, on the weekend of JFK inauguration we had our retreat. I smuggled a small tv and folks got made up as various types and I came as a reporter. A very religious experience for sure. The one thing that did change my life was the speech....ask not what your country can do for you... I was determined to get out of my comfort zone and try to help people move to a more comfortable life. Most of the other retreats have involved community gatherings and topic discussions.
So in an hour, in the middle of Chaingmai, I will have my meal of the day, find a songtow and got up the mountain to spend the next 4 nights and five eating two meals after dawn and before noon. I will walk, sit, stand, and be prone in meditation for 10 hrs a day. No reading or writing talking or having eye contact with anyone but my guide once a day.  Up at 4:30 and sleep at 10pm.
Leaving my portage, pancakes, avocado, and Chang beer.
It is all good. I only hope I am loving to the me that I find.
Best of all,  the long shirt covers the black under ware....
I will keep you all in my heart.

Happiness (no pictures)

I have experienced some very good and helpful readings. I think more than food I will miss reading and writing next we on the hill.
This week i have focused on happiness. All happiness is temporary. When we are cold and then find fire we are happy until we start to sweat and then we want to run into the snow.
Maybe happiness, true happiness only happens in the stillpoint space of emptiness between thoughts - no stress, agitation, friction,  movement and the mind stops      peace, silence, timelessness....beyond time but alive with potential.
This space is always there but for me, I bypass to get to the next attraction. But if I can put the world on hold, even for only seconds a day...I come to feel my true nature - the light of the"soul", the music of the silence.
There is a sense I am at the center of my heart  bomp bomp bomp...in non-doing, non-having, just the stillpoint - hot and vast then gone.
But now I know it is there and I will go there again and more often.
The world is the non-real in which I play roles.
I have in my core, my heart,  an island of shelter - the source of everything.
To end suffering is to detach from what makes me suffer. Poor countries are often "happier because they don't chase"stuff" but find joy in the routine of a simple life.
I now know all of my opinions are faults because they are colored by my desires, fears, and illusions - colored by ego. I will try to train myself to have no opinions but to travel the middle path in the present moment.  At this second, it is my truth.
I am grateful for all my teachers. ...Every one who came on or crossed, or ran headlong into me thinking you knew. Grateful that I have taken as good care of myself- body and mind
I feel joy and satisfaction for my self, for those on the path and the world of my experience.

tues

finally had some opportunity to get to the flower festival pictures.

While each of the women are very interesting they all appear to have great teeth and wonderful smiles. I was a little way back from the street and some of the time the float was moving, etc. What i see as not clearly presented are the eyes.
In the next go I am going to try and capture the very beautiful eyes.  The Thai group have a full eye shape and if you see a non brown eye you can be rather sure there was a foreign father.
One of the Dutch 6monthers vol at the orphanage which is mostly mixed race/culture children.
Today I thought about what is the difference between a groove and a rut. Perspective was may conclusion of the day. For today I will go where my spirit directs and see where that takes me.....well after my class, picking up a white wrap to keep warm on the mountain, and breakfast.

A few weeks ago, I took Reiki I and I I from Rod and he just posted the picture of the two students in I.

So this is how I looked several weeks ago and this is today

I will spare you a blow up. I would do a time shot of my body but my flower festival photos have been downloading forever and I don't want to interrupt the process.
Today I overdosed on massage. I had my regular with Phat and the an oil massage from y woman on the bungalow soi.
I know I am thinner, no one has grabbed my anatomy and asked "how many babies have you had".
The oil massage was a bit of a trip however. The shop consists of a floor mat and a curtain. The soi is busy and there is a school near with parent pick up and buses. So as you lay behind curtain number one you are about 5 feet from the road.
The other fun thing is that there is a open air coffee shop immediately next door as in on the other side of the wall.
She plays very nice soft massage music, but you are in the conversation.  There were four folks, 3 men and a woman discussing the weather and the best swimming pool. All of this...zoom and pool talk while you say breath in breath out....relax
This was also one of the hotter days that we have had and there is no cross breeze nor fan behind door number one.
It was a delicious massage and I have good information about where to eat and swim etc...all for $10.
Eventually there will be photos of more than myself.

by the dawns early light

This is what I see from my bed as I look out the door.

The little wooden bungalow has cut glass in all the windows. Next Sunday i will go up the mountain. Today as I woke and did the morning recollection, my thoughts and breath was like the window...you know there is light outside but nothing is clear... the rooster crows,  the morning dove coos.....rising. ..falling. and it is ok that it is not clearer...it is what it is.  No more. ..no less
Celebrate the now as it happens in its impermanence or snooze and miss it.
This is the dawning of another new day.
Chi Kong,  massage, avocado salad, oil massage, movie, dinner....the wheel goes round and my intention is to be awake.

red -the heart love and joy

I went on a little shoot today and discovered that you can actually stop the scooter, park, , get  off and take pictures ...so I got some ideas for Red.

Also scary, I am getting a little handle on getting pictures and text more organized on the galaxy. I still have to use the Acer for the collage but I could live without that. On this trip i gave careful thought to packing and so far I have not wanted and have not had excess except books. I know part of the day adventure is going to the book stores. Do I have books on the computer...yes but it is better when you are in the mood to read and you can put a paper book in your pocket. I also brought about 20 chips for pictures and although I have only taken 1500..there is tons of room on the first chip. So I go big chip hold with baby chip for the galaxy and the baby to holder for the Acer. All fun.
More fun...When I eat light veggies I have less concern about the functioning of the toilet. Today is not one of those days so I must be creative in getting the toilet to function. I am very grateful for being me since the is a way and I have will. Also i might just stop eating until they find a plumber with parts.
Tomorrow I will get the opener for the compound gate so I can ride to the mountain at 6:30 to see if can see the monk procession .
Off to the flower festival.  This is a big deal in Chaingmai with many flowers, floats, and fabulously beautiful people. The are 2 queens this year, a Thai and a non Thai. Word has it that American, Canada, Australian, Chinese, etc., were in the mix. Interesting to see who they selected.
In my view,  many Americans look like cookies cut out of a magazine. Blondie, straight hair tank top and short with a cell phone texting about what they think they are seeing. Few have real cameras but are taking shots of others and self shots. The pubs are full of potential hook ups populated with young beer drinkers.
The rest of the toilet story.  Neighbor Nelson said let me look at it. So he took the toilet apart with my tools and we found the water line plugged with paper. Cleaned it all out and put it back together and.....flush away.  Ah