Long
ago I remember writing a blog about a travel adventure. Sometimes it is necessary for me to vanish in
order to put the pieces of stuff in my thoughts into a system of words that
might make sense to me not alone a reader.
Most of what I have learned and made part of me will make little sense
to someone reading unless they are going down the same path. I think now how smart I was many years ago
when I gave up my watch and wore a compass.
I knew it was NOW but where I was in relation to something was an
unknown. It is interesting to me that
many of the creatures in the toad and frog family are leaving. I thought at one time that it was because
people were killing them off but I am now wondering if it is because they
question their usefulness. I pick up a
book, I go to a retreat, I meditate..... and all of the lessons say...stay in the now. I know when I am present and get glimpses of a state
of bliss, but my conditioning pushes me toward the trap of time which is not a reality. I put on my
frog outfit and start leapfrogging backwards to my distorted replays of things
that are not here and cannot be brought to my now. Other times I leapfrogging forward to
the fantasy of the future which I have little control over. 
In my past, delusions along with joy and happy
memories are my judgments and critical thinking ...why did they do that, why
did she say that, why did they wear that, why was the weather like that and mostly, how could I have.......
In
my future orchestrations and scripting, I set up a scenario of smooth sailing and
manipulation of my world to make it what I think it should be or what I think I
want only to cause suffering when others or places don't follow my script.
Today,
I sand stairs.... my hand goes across the stair tread with 60 – 80 – 120 – 160 sand paper... my ears hear
each note of music playing and I am grateful to be here and now and not mid-air
in a leaping forward or backward....ah.
