GRAND CANYON TRIP
Someone once said of me that I was the most organized disorganized person that they knew. I was not sure if that was a complement but over a long talk I heard that I make things look pretty casual, easy and usually don’t seem planned or stressed about things that others would find stressful. I am not frantic when I entertain etc. My truth felt to be that I have a plan and the stuff needed to make the project work out was at hand or I could find a substitute or maybe it just did not matter.
I am stuck a little on the word project because I don’t like projects. Projects=Work Work=Have to do it Have to do it = not a good thing. (Synonymous with “have to” is should, ought to, “they” would be happy if I did such and such) My view has been either “do it” or not and in the long scheme of things would it matter. The more adolescent in my life progress that I have been, the more “they” mattered and thus the more things mattered.
In my family pleasing days, I had a fear of becoming “not our kind of people”, my mother’s term. In my adult years, I found that I could never become one of those – my politics, social justice, visionary eyes, etc. turned me more toward the “Wayfaring Stranger” and beggars, thieves, poor, lost, etc.. After the Jesus movement when if you have not taken JC as your personal savior, you were not part of the clan, I began to question the bigger issues of judgment and a search for folks that knew their shit smelled just like everyone else. Compassion, taking the time to get to know people, and learning from everyone sounds like it should be a basic life skill but often only if you are “our kind of people”. My experience and my Buddhist teaching about life is that nothing is permanent, we will suffer, and I do not exist outside of others....we all come from the same spit.
My fear became that I would become “nice”, a hollow eyed suburban person that a saw so many of when I lived in the burbs and now see seeping into my community. This can also be someone who is not in search of the meaning of existence. For many of us, the simple child in us, just goes about doing and what is important at the time gets the focus. Until we are about 4-5, we really don’t see color of skin the same unless we have been socialized or indoctrinated to see it. It is not natural to see difference but similarity. Try as they might, my family was never able to convince me that the maids, bellman, and waitresses in the cafeterias were not the people to know and that the men in suits, and their wives in furs, and their often stuffed children were not boring. Mom sent me to one of the best high schools with the best girls from the best families and then on to a small women’s liberal arts college. I attended two charms schools, learned to do ballroom dancing well, and was elected to Who’s Who etc.. She tried. And with the socialization, came a long list of rules that got longer with each “joining”; my sorority, class officer, etc. I grew up Roman Catholic and still have my book from Dogmatic Theology which is helpful if you can’t sleep. I have not gotten past page 6 several times when really awake and needing sleep and it is easier than Ambian on your body.
I have often measured my life chaos to my underwear. Things are out of control when I look in my draw which potentially holds about 25 pairs of underpants and there are none. That tells me that I have not been paying attention and when I took the last pair, I started living in lala land which has “someone” coming in to tend to things. Tending to my things has been an issue for me of late, for several of my life drawers have come up with no underpants. So I took some action in the past weeks, move away from a sinking ship, saw my psychic, had a “get your head on straight session”, got my vitamin regimen under control and reviewed my bucket list.

The top of my list.
.. don’t let any opportunity to know your purpose pass you buy
And someplace in the list
...see the GRAND CANYON
Now almost anyone with some money can fly to Arizona and rent a car, or take a bus trip, or train trip or some tour. I said... self.. how would you like to see the US... the same way I see Thailand.. go a simple as you can.. take your camera.. have the time to ask questions and walk as much as you can.. The end of September, I will leave my dog friend with my long time friend and board my rolling friend for a joint venture across the blue lines of the USA – car living and stopping to smell, taste, see, and listen to the stories... come with me on this year’s adventure...