I am dependant on many for existence... food, etc.. but in the daily moving about, what I do when I do it and even how I do it is primarily my choice.  

The other night, it an effort to share some time with my ChaingMai friend Daniel, I agreed to the movie.  It was not an easy task getting him to say which movie etc... other than meet at the box office at 5:45.   The movie he picked started at 8:50 and while we were going to have dinner (had to be there by 5:50 so he could get the early bird special....lives on $900 a month SS).  How long does it take to eat pasta and have a beer.. pouring rain so the usual rooftop garden was closed.   The rain was torrential and while I only live about 2 miles away... I was not comfortable thinking about going home when the movie was over... around 11.  I had my ticket  ($5) ... but I just said.. I want to get home.  He suggested taking a songtow.. which still would mean walking most of the way and then leaving my bike parked just off the sidewalk...    I wasn't in a panic.. but my guides said... you don't even enjoy movies about aliens coming to earth.. go home.   So I did.   In the long run.. There was no rain at 11.. but I was happy that I left.

Trying to get my life from moving down the same path is significant.  My feet have been moving in one direction so very long.. as in seeing something that needs to be done and just doing it.. and believing if I don't.. something bad will happen or nothing will get done.  I know others can do it. And even do it better...but I feel like I am the only one with the vision or passion.

This week I learned that The River Wall project which started in 2015 with the governor giving us $2mil to get the job done.. has been stalled. I have been warning about this and   I see government backroom moves to take the money and move it to other locations .. etc.  A few years ago a group got $2M for art and creative use of Genesee Park..and by the time the money got spent.. it went to the art around the new buildings (which I call legos) on the other side of the river..   Without a scream from the community other than one person who saw what was happening and tried to stop it .. things happen.  Elections happen.. and so it is.

So I sit here thinking... if I were home .. or I could write emails.. or or or.. and so I am  standing very still and holding onto my ego with all my might.. 

I am saying ...

thank you City for doing what you are doing... you are my friend.. you have given me the opportunity to make some significant changes in my life

I have been in survival mode all of my life... I survived when my parents got the shock that I was going to be arriving on earth and they were the lucky winners.. I survived being me.. and I thrived being me.   When the sun is out.. it is easier.. When it is raining... not so.    

When You have a wooden chair and a black and white tv..

                    you are a prisoner in the tv world.

If .you get success and have a lounge chair and a great high def tv..

                    you are a prisoner in the tv world but you are more comfortable.

Same same but different.

Looking at the story of your life.. and saying.. I don't like where the plot is going takes courage and energy and there will be "adjustments".

I feel good about the new direction.  It will take time to get the new habits working in place.. But in the meantime.

So

Thank you friend – who knocked me off the scooter yesterday and caused a little skin off my elbow. You have helped me be more conscious of my actions, surroundings, and the here and now.

Thank you friend ...in the banking business either letting it be disbursed or disbursing...you have helped me see how close to the surface my feeling of scarcity is located

Thank you friend ...who picked a movie at an inconvenient time in the rain ... you have helped me see that I need to listen to my spirits guide and be compassionate to myself so I can learn more compassion for others.