Saturday at the Salty Dog

This is my bookstore!!  I have been drinking the IPA beer here almost before you were born or at least before your legal drinking age.  Where is my seat? Who are all these people?  What happened to some young lad saying... old lady, do you want my seat?  

 I have my book and I want to sit and sip my brew and not be bothered with PEOPLE.   I could get very grumpy over this situation.  This is my bookstore/brew house.   Who are you ???

Funny how we take possession of what is not ours to possess.  I felt this way about Margie's back home.. .that is my bar.. who are you?  The Salty Dog Bookstore was my refuge when I went to the farm.  I often went there after dinner and thought, how do they stay open?

 This Saturday not only were they open, but there were also no available seats.  The average age was 30 and no one rose to say...old lady do  you want to sit?

 They sat.. they sipped... and I stood.  They drank and I slipped and turned the pages of the book.

 I later found out that there was a rock concert in town and these were the folks that came to listen and camp.  It was raining, they were cold so they came to the Dog to sip a brew and get warm.  They drank and left.  I drank and read.. and in the end it was the quiet sleeping salty dog and my familiar brew house.

Final Farm Visit

This weekend I faced my Rubicon.  On the way to a unique wedding, I went to visit the site of my friends family farm home in Claverack.  To many that came to prepare the house for sale, it was a mess and needed a major clear out and clean up.  To my dear friend, this is where she lived the reclusive life she wanted with her best friends the dogs and horses. 

The first time I went to the farm, I was about 25 yrs old and had just taken a job with the Division for Youth.  My assigned institution happened to be in Hudson, so I looked up my skiing buddy.  Over the fifty-year friendship, we moved to Rochester, lived together, she bought a house in Henrietta, I moved to Irondequoit Bay,  she moved back to Hudson, and we spend a few days each season golfing and then working on farm projects. 

I knew every nail on every fence post, cut miles of lawn and bush and went through many physical issues and cancer treatments that she endured.  We made the last of the 25 Christmas Cards in the basement,  buried our pets in the yard, and enjoyed our picture taking trips to the river.  In the end, she lived on little money but her animals had everything they needed and she was resigned if not happy.

When she past,  it was time to get the farm ready for new owners.  For much of the time, I worked alone with some great help from Rochester folks on a couple of weekends and two local brothers who painted and plastered.  While the 1957 house was “dated” with the financial resources, it could be a spectacular home.

This weekend I went back and drove up and down the country road in front of the house slowly in the rain. It was a Bergman movie experience for me.  This was my friends home, but she was not there and now new owners were home and the lights were on in the now grand front room.   I could see that the wall from the dining room to the back bedroom was now floor to ceiling glass panels overlooking the mountains and river.  I am sure the modern kitchen and lights make the place spectacular.  It looked like a beautiful grand home... on the side of a hill on a country road.  I drove down the road and went to Baba Louis, her favorite eating place and lifted a glass of Blue Moon and had a great salad... And drove on.

I could feel in my bones, that I was not the same person that I was in the morning.  I did not feel alone but more in the company of an authentic self not worried about who was on my path, weather I was the person someone else wanted me to be, etc.  My head was not jabbering and I was just listening to the rain and feeling my heart beat.   It was just NOW, it seemed very real and I drove off and will probably not return.  And it’s ok

[I am changing my email distribution list, so for some who have never responded, this may be your last bonny email to just delete from your mail bin. Farwell to you...have your life to the fullest.  Try not to judge or hold on to what doesn’t work anymore.. just listen to the rain and drive.]

New Year....New Day.... New View

A long pause between blogs

I needed to get off the slide and sit quietly in the canoe. Sometimes see myself trying to connect to people and places but I really don’t have an interest in the connection.  It is like taking a raffle ticket for a tricycle.  Why.  So I have been taking some time to ask where I am going, who is in my boat and how did I feel about my journey, not any destination.   

Some elements just had to go. The first shoved out was the voice in my head. You don’t know how much babble is going on until you start to answer and have conversations with the voice. The worst is when you change what you want to be doing to something the voice thinks you should be doing and someone with whom you really do not mean to be doing anything.

I am in the last section of my life and in intend to live as if it is my last week. I have come to realize the VOICE is part of every insecurity I have ever had. It stores a long list of how I should be and what I need to do to be the person someone else thinks I should be. The voice appeared to be intent on raining on my parade and I am now intent on enjoying every drop if rain even if I am out in the storm alone.   It is my journey.

Therefore, who should be travelling in my life will be there. To the others, have a real life.

You are on your own.  

Transition

Returning to my American home from my Asia respite is always a shift. The most dynamic impact is the "stuff." In the bungalow, I have no drawers except two small desk drawers and limit clothing space except for a shelf, 10 hangers, and two wall hooks. I keep my underwear in a zipper mesh bag and when the laundry bag gets full, I drop it off in the morning and pick it up clean at five. I all is simple. I feel my head clearing and my eyes more focused with less distraction.

I am committed to making some major changes in my life and have outlined my task ahead to reach the kind of simple life my soul is longing for and needs. I don't know how I would feel if there was a fire or tornado and everything was swept away. One way would be a relief but in other ways, I would feel that I missed an opportunity to say goodbye to many gifts, trinkets from trips, etc. When I came to the house twenty years ago, I used a small truck to bring everything I owned for the first fifty plus years. Today, it would take a intercontinental van to move just the basement. It is coming up to the anniversary of my long time friend, Georgette's passing. She had 3500 sq ft and a basement full of stuff. When it was all over, not counting what others took or was sold at garage sale, I used a small truck to bring a few things.. my desk and bed primarily. The remaining items filled several dumpsters and went to the landfill.

What I experienced on the winter voyage is imperimence. I am a long way from really knowing it, but I am more accepting and aware of what foolish words we have in me, my, mine. Life is just in flux. Sit in a sunny room and watch the dust dance.. nothing is stationary. If we make a connection to a person or place and it brings us pleasure or pain, it only lasts a fleating moment while the dust is dancing.

Meditators of every style and shape

You just show up at the Wat and tell them how long you are staying. People who are serious and those that think it would be a lark are all there. A German woman and her friend, who for the most part was serious, spent much of the free time talking about those that talked They also wondered why more people were not sitting more. I finally asked why they were not sitting and their talking was disturbing my reading time.

The winners were a trio of blondes who remarkably were not from CA, but UK. They came in all smiles. Just graduated from "college" were about 19 and had majored in textiles and accounting or some other strange combinations. They missed "lunch" the first day and had it with the food rations the second day. So, at about 5 rather than sweep, they changed and walked to the minimart to but chips etc.. They disappeared and did not make evening instruction more morning sit. I know them, they were me at the time of my graduation. The best part, as I walked through the Saturday Market… there they were…. Same smiles and surfer attitude.

The last day, I did not ask anyone to go to the forest with me.. I just walked out with the deer, cows, and roosters and sat quietly.

Time tic…..tock

I have a stack of books sitting on my desk… all good interesting and helpful. When I have had downtime with surgery, I have had a stack of books on the nightstand….same same but different. While the smoke index has dropped to the caution area… of 90 from yesterday's 130 (mortal danger to the young/old and infirmed), I really am not interested in going out and walking about. It is a good day to read in the air-con. I had a facial this morning which I slept through. She even took the after pictures with my mouth open in a snore as the after picture. I should be rested.

Tiger the yellow cat that I feed and who comes with the bungalow is curled on the bed grooming and snoozing. I have no place to go and nothing to do for three plus hours… I pick up a book and the last of the gingersnaps call out to me… I would be great with coffee…. I put down the book and take the snaps… no guilt. When I am on the run and have snatched and grab moments, I read. Today… move over Tiger… we are going to watch a rerun of the first star trek… and may the force be with you… for the books are not.

If the Buddha got Stuck

Many years ago, on a trip to the farm to help out with health or home, I needed to get away and stopped at my favorite watering hole, The Salty Dog – book and brew. While browsing the books, I spotted a book with the title above. About a minute read and the book was mine. The pages came to me at about the same time as I was giving some serious thought to the Buddhist way. I am a slow reader and can't read a book without a pencil to underline or make notes. So I started the book, forgot where I was and then started again. About five years after I had the hard copy in hand, I found the audiobook at the Brighton library and quickly took it home and burned a copy. I stopped and started that also. Today, I finished the book and today I feel like many parts of my life have come into place.

Eat to live

Usually, when you go on a retreat… i.e. Kripalu type, you enjoy the experience, but you rave about the food. When you go a monastery you either are eating what the monks have gathered, or you are assisted to put food in a proper place. Spacing out meals is not on the schedule. After rising at 4am you look forward to your break fast… at 7:30-8. Some thin broth with green twigs, a side dish of veggies white rice and some sliced fruit is what is on the table. In addition, whatever the monks have gathered and can't or don't want to eat gets put out. On both days that consisted of rolls or rolls with some spread. You sit again from 9-11 and then comes the second or other meal that has some curry, another version of broth with veggies, rice, and some fruit… banana, watermelon, etc. The amazing thing, even though you are walking and sweeping and hardly sleeping. You are not hungry. I supplemented the time between with about 20 cups of coffee (with sugar and creamer). My fitbit told me I still got a whopping 4-5 hrs. of restless sleep. You can't turn over on a cement slab without waking up to cry about the pain in your shoulder.

I didn’t fall out of bed

The Saturday before my time in the forest for retreat. I fell out of bed. It was strange I knew I was on the edge, but I swung my leg over to sit up and ran out of bed. So boom the floor, and my left elbow made contact and mouth and the wardrobe made contact. The result was a bruise and cut that was more of a reminder of awareness than damage to the body and only minor damage to the ego.

When I arrived at the Wat or monastery, I was prepared for a difference from Doi Suthep…but I was not sure in what way and how this would affect my practice.

I would describe this group as minimalist, - little instruction, little furnishings, and little monitoring of you behavior. On the other side, little restriction means more personal responsibility. To do what you need to do with what you have to make yourself ready to be mindful and see things as they are rather than the way they "should" be. "Should" is outside Vipassana and is replaced with what does it mean and what are you experiencing.

The process of being open-hearted started at the desk and continues are I am dealing with things as presented.

The cost of the experience was 220 baht a day and 90 baht for bedding. I marked the amounts in the box and then gave the monk 100. There is a process, and there must be an accounting for the extra money. Out came the calculator and eraser and I sat as the Monk corrected the document …Bedding 90, Room 660, Donation 250. Next. Ah… "where is the bedding?" – "next door." Next door was another office and a monk who was busy on his computer review dharma sites. I could quickly see a refrigeratorwith cokes, milk and juice drinks and water. Next to that was a rack of coffees, tea, and some other 'mystery' drinks. At the end were skinny packs of material that turned out to be a blaket, sheet, and pillow. I was ready…. So up the steps I went to room 2W. The room was 10x10 with a big window and a little porch leading to a narrow dead fly area. What was not in the room… a bed. Lesson one. Things don't always have to be they was you are conditioned to have be… and you can still be happy. I did check with one of the others and found that, in fact, there was no form bed but you could take some straw mats to cover the cement floor. It was not extreemly cool, so one might opt to put the skinning blanket under you and on top of the mats. I added the skiny sheet to the skinny blanket on top of the skinny mats… and thus I made my bed…and was ready to go about my retreat….with no frear of falling out of bed only the potential of falling on the bed.

Feb 2015...loss

I have been a bit lost... and my circle of people has had some loses... and my words just got lost in my head....  I am gettng much clearer about friendship, life purpse...where I go from here... so I will write in a few days.... but for now.. just some pictures.  so they don't get lost

I wnt back to the 3d musium with Ruth/Brooke and Henry

there was a full moon

 Little girls like pink... I always liked blue... oh well what can I say.... if you keep walking on your left foot... eventurally you are on the right foot... or not


This is a recycled bottle.... cool

 below... not the way I want to do a long parade root.

...But then... maybe stilts are better than these shoes

and Cheryl et all arrived

catch up 2

There was a contest for foreigners one hoola hooper, one singer and several dancer... 

 The crowd had some interesting faces... and several obnoxious folks.

This woman stepped in front of many thinking that if she bent down and thought thin she would not be noticed.

these are two ways that I would not walk down the street.

The recycle stuff was amazing

a vision in pink

catch up with flowers

The women arrived from US and I got lost in the tour business.  They are well oriented now and I am about to get back to my life... I take some pics....so there goes many

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This is after 27 plus hrs in a plane and leaving in a snow storm

 Bonny having fun at the 3 d museum



















Brooke and Ruth

Sunday...

a flower stand at the park  and the arobic yoga crew... i had breakfast with the man with the ponytail





next step.....walk over Niagara

Or...just lay in the grass and work on your iphone.

 This is called grass on the wire and below... I had a dream.....

 red and white graffiti

 stick in the water

I am hiding..... or red ridinghood

than ton 3 Boat

I want to preface this with the note that I had a very bad head cold and Hanna was home not sounding too great.....so   Henry and I decided to forgo much of ChiangRai.  I had seen the white temple... we say the clock and the night market and had a massage... and then left on the VIP 7:45am bus... happy to be home.

The boat ride was a high point. Lucky for us, we were staying at the Garden and the bus came there to pick us up... hence we were the first on the boat and were told to sit up next to the driiver when we were on two long soft cushions and had several behind us as back rests.  Our feet were a little cramped but we had the best seat....looking back and able to take photos on either side.  
The rest of the happy crew got on accross from the Apple. There were two boats that travelled together helping to watch how the other was riding on the water.  The journey was about 4 hours with one real pit stop and one get out and lighten the boat stop. The river is a shallow windy waterway with no navigational marks that I could see. The motorman was magical

 The longboat arrives with the water cool engine and we put our gear in the front and sit in the back

 In the front of the boat was a man from Chicago... whom we called Chicago and that could be an entire blog, a man from france/germany, and a couple and their children

An Italian couple who were worried about their bag which got tossed on the other boat to lighten ours..and a french couple.   I think she has an earache or she swallowed a pickle.  The woman with the back to me was the wife of the german/french couple...   The boat has a metal bottom which is a very good thing since we went bang bang on the bottom or the top of rocks several times.

This is a hollowed log with a young boy with a stick




The pic below are tourist on a raft expedition...

same same but very different

 This a fixer upper that probably you could buy cheap.

flat bottle boats are tied up at the edge     The pic below is the driver of the other boat

We made two stops...one to let the others walk to the other side of a narrow pass.  Henry and I sat near the engine to help keep the bow up.   And we stopped at a pit stop which they had a squeeky violin player and a snake with a little boy that was put in the middle of the snake. When we got to shore there was a truck which we ungracefully crawled into and out of ..... spent the night in ChiangRai and then we took the vip bus back to home base.