Fully and Deeply

I think I am happiest when I am a student and observer. Maybe that is what helps my composition in photography. In high school, I was the photography editor of the yearbook. We had some very exciting young writers and creative production staff. Our yearbook was going to be “cutting edge” different. The individual pictures were just oval shots lined up and there was nothing to do with it.. and we actually had a professional photographer come and take almost all the photos, but I staged them. To get ideas, I got a hold of some award winning college yearbooks and sketched out the shots. When the time came, after careful experimentation on paper and cut out dioramas – set up the props – ladders, risers, etc.. and staged the shot. The photog person just had to snap with the big pro camera. We submitted the yearbook and were selected as one of the top ten in NY. It was all about the purpose and intent behind the shot...what were you trying to say .. the essence of the Latin Club. In truth I was probably trying to say, get me out of the room with these nerd, but my job, according to the editor, Kathy Isker, was to create the image of Latin Club as well as take the pic of the members. Many of the high school friends did not go to the college I selected. I was the 10th graduating class from the college and most of the intellectual gals in high school wanted a known intellectual climate and selected a well known school. In college, I continued my civil liberties efforts, worked at getting the young senator from MA elected and got more into causes than the cerebral. Over the years, I have fallen farther from the “tree” or my essence and in trying to “belong” have often gone along with and suppressed my quest for answers to the big questions. In trying to run someone else’s race because everyone runs in the this direction and runs this way (like a girl, I might add), you walk by the obvious. Yesterday, I went to a gallery showing of some interesting photos and was struck by a new technique and one of the subjects. As I stood there, I realized that I spend the summer flapping around like a dying fish feeling badly because my yard and garden don’t come up to the standards of the self appointed authority of my street. As I got out of the car after my gallery and Komodo experience, there it was.... I have a great garden .. and in the winter, it is full of splendid art - silver dollars - the vary "picture" the photographer was asking $150 to take home... there is was.... just growing in the garden and I smiled again as I thought.. the more fully and deeply I am living, the less it matters,