Free Play

I had a full agenda when I left Rochester in January. More than getting my teeth repaired or a “travel vacation”, I went on a “vision” quest and lived apart from my regular demands, expectations, selected involvements etc. I know me well enough to know that until I get the demon of “responsible”, need to be blatantly honest, if I don’t do it, who will.... under control, I will continue to follow my own phase.. how you do anything is how you do everything. I am tired of the way I have been living, “acting”, being and I wanted to sculpt the inner soul I see inside.. some the Buddhahood/Christhood and some not so Buddha like. I took a good look at why I dread writing, why I have sand in my shoes (it is not the mountain that kills you it is the sand in the shoe) why I hate to watch folks walk into walls, why I want to run or kill those that live in the half empty negative side of life – we did that and it didn’t work.. nothing works... it can’t be done.. what are the things – people or places that a sucking the life out of my world. It took some days but I started to feel that living an improvisation life was where I wanted to go.

 Living as close to your spontaneous self as possible is risky and you might find yourself on the edge by yourself. Not so.... there are lots of “closet” free spirited folks out there. A few put me in touch with a few writers or websites... a few have lead by example. The spontaneous improvisational folks probably did not come from a traditional corporate lockstep past, but they are out there. I have never had an outline for my writing and really only spell check it and read it through to see if my computer has deleted paragraphs.. which my Acer is want to do... I usually get an idea from something I saw, heard, felt.. and just write. My father played wonderful music...and he cooked terrifically... he would come into the room on Sunday nights and pick up the violin... and just play...sometimes he would ask.. why style I wanted... and I often said Bach/Mozart.. and he would put two tunes together and then call out as he switched... When he was in the kitchen ... I say what is it... well it would be fried banana’s with pineapple and nuts... When my mother cooked.. she had the big book with the many pages of typed recipes... and occasionally would say.. on no.. I don’t have any such and such and start to toss out the partial product..and my Dad would say.. well what do you have.. or just use this/that and it would be fine. Dad could feel the music and the food and create an adventure for your ear or palate and my Mom.. steady, consistent, and acceptable would cook from the page notes and play the piano from the sheet music.

For the next phase of my life, I am going to spend more time in the spontaneous and laughing at my creations. I need a few months to make the shift.. but it is coming and I feel it in my stomach like a hungry bear... many things/people/places that have been my “responsibility” will not get my attention any more.. someone else can pick it up.. or not...

I am home now and my next many pages of type will be just my thoughts.. if you are a subscriber.. you will get my dibble.. but if I had you on my distribution list.. you will not have “find time” to read it.. but are always welcome to look on and see what condition by spontaneous condition is it.