I went to the local mammogram facility yesterday. I kept smiling the entire time because I could not believe it was real. I am going through the 12 time zone jet lag, so I am not making major decisions as in should I amputate my head or anything. I am walking a little slower and trying to remember when I am putting my wallet since I have moved from a very simple easy enjoyable warm sunny calm environment to a beginning to get over scheduled rushed cluttered environment. In time, I will bring there to here, but it takes time.
It was no probably getting up, since I was up at 3am.. so I arrived in the parking lot at 6:59 and walked through the door just as the chime for 7am was sounding. I waited about a minute when I was told to go to window number 4. I thought the car was behind number 1 but I proceeded.
I gave the woman the papers, my drivers license, insurance card and apologized for being out of the country and not mailing the one. She typed in my name, asked my birthdate and then toss the paper aside. ( I made a note..Next year don’t bother with this just give her a scrap with my name). She handed the license back and said, we have your picture on file. Looked briefly at the insurance card and handed it back. I signed the electronic deal agreeing to the process and the release of info to the Dr. and walked to my seat.
Thirty seconds after my butt hit the seat and I cracked the book open, they called Bonita Mayer and I got up when through the door, joined two others and then waited for the thirds. The woman, who appeared to be alive went into a robotic mantra as we walked forward– decaf coffee and tea are here, bathroom is here. When you get your gown, go the dressing area and change then come back and select a locker that has an electronic key. Open the locker an put our items in but keep your purse with you close the door, put the key had the same number as your locker, put the key into the slot and when it beeps once, the door is locked take out your key and go into the waiting room to be called. When you return, put the key into the same number locker and wait for two beeps and the door is open, take your items and leave the key. Here are your gowns, put them on like a robe with the opening in the front.
I found an open change area, took off my top three items and then tried to get this gown with four strings to close. I tried the top left with the top right and bottom right etc.. and finally had to use the lop right with the bottom left... to have some thing around me which I could also use my book to cover the plunging neckline that Sr. Mary Theophane would have said was tisk tisk immodest. I proceeded to locker #45 which had a key, as I opened it as the robot was at the point of one beep and lock...
I found a seat in a area that had no one and was facing the outside window so I could remove my book from chest and start to read. After one paragraph ....Bonita Mayer and I was up walking down the long corridor to the last door on the hallway following a shorter than I blond woman who was not about to waste her energy saying anything.
I said I failed gown 101 and couldn’t get it tied, The gowns were a mistake and we are getting new ones..( out of the back of my small memory file cabinet... that is what they said last year when I couldn’t get it tied.... ) Put your stuff on the chair, take out your right arm and face the machine. The next seconds are a blur for she toss my body from one place to another, lowering and squeezing my soft anatomy saying left arm here no left arm here as my dyslectic self when into protection mode. Hold your breath... toss arm here... hold your breath... put the arm back into the gown and take out the other... shove, slap, squeeze, don’t breath.. somewhere in the blur, it started to hit me that I was having an out of body experience and surely this blond midget was not handling my body in this manner.. I was on Saturday night live... well why not if no talent Lindsey Lohan could do it .. why not me and my “girls”. After the fourth hold your breath, she said, sit there and I’ll be back... she was.. she checked something and then said ok you can go... I walked down the hall, put my electronic key in for two beeps, put my clothing back on checked not to leave anything ...broken gown into the bin and walked out the door at 7:29.... wondering if I had a branding mark on my butt for I surely felt like cattle.... and so it goes for another year.....
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