wait.. I am on my way.

The problem with spending time knowing yourself is that you can’t hide your stuff as well.  Now this does not mean that you have to beat yourself up about anything.  It merely means that if there is an elephant in the room and you know it.  There is hardly anything in my life that has not been touched, looked at, moved, reconsidered etc. since the first of March.  When you are taking inventory, either of your life or your possessions, you have to make a mess before you can get down to the basics.  My friend JoAnn introduced me to the Shelter for your Soul book several years ago, and it has been calling to me for years.  I have started it, underlined it, and restarted it several times.  After ending up at the farm with rooms, cupboards, closets, out buildings, garage etc.. full of stuff and no one alive who had owned it, I got a new meaning of toss it out.  My first toss out has required that I toss out several well-meaning folks who said you could sell it on eBay, that’s worth a lot, you should take that home.  Good idea.  But that requires giving my time to someone else’s junk.   I have my own.   I have big house project going inside and out and there is little room for junk. The waterfall, pointing the morter on the house, new bushes, trees and inside basement and attic sealed, new windows, new wall paint, refinished floors, new refrigerator, dishwasher, washer/dryer, moving relaxing area from one room to another.  All of this and the community, friend needs, and life are still marching on.   I have also found that I don’t do well starting 20 things at the same time.  Ok, a few related thing such as my burlap projects, but not 20 things in three rooms.   Knowing what is crazy making is step one in recovery.  You can take care of a great deal of business when you are clear headed, have a plan and stick to it.  So today is lock the doors, turn off the e-mail and get every room in order except my office and the basement.  I can live with two rooms a mess…but not the entire house… and not my life.  Whenever I feel I want to run away, it is usually because I have lost my shelter, I have lost my interest in taking care of myself – possessions, body, mind, spirit.   I can see you oh life I want… wait.. I am on my way.